Anak yatim from Ustaz Kazim Elias

My husband and I were watching Pencetus Ummah Finale few days ago.

When Ustaz Kazim Elias talked about his childhood being an orphan (lost his late father at the age of 8 months old) and how he was treated by neighbours on the Eid Celebration, just brought tears to my husband.

Ustaz was in school when he went for Raya, you know visiting neighbours.

When he got 'Datang ni nak duit la tu' right in front of his face.

He left home, crying on his mother's lap saying repeatedly that he doesn't want to visit the neighbours during Eid anymore.

And he didn't until he finished high school.

He said that orphans have very sensitive heart that they can keep sadness and remembered forever.

I guess, it really saddened my husband.

I was touched as well but that was because I myself grew up without a mother and I knew my lacking.

I understood what Ustaz meant.

I was sensitive myself and there are things I still remember until now.

So, I really can relate to Ustaz.

When you grow up with a mother or a father, you will understand what you are missing in your life, especially when you look around, seeing your happy friends talking about their mothers, how their mothers rubbed their tummy when they were in pain.

You also can easily detect how you are less important, less loved by others.

Just like Ustaz, I remember until these days, things I didn't want to talk about, people I don't really care about, simply because without them knowing, they actually said something hurtful to an orphan child.

 I believed all these experiences harden me.

I have never cried when someone told me that 'my mother died because she didn't want me' eventhough I was still 10 years old.

'Pity you, you don't even have a mother booo. Nobody wants you!'

I have never told my father anything.

I kept quiet, put on my brave face and ignore.

That is me.

I am no complainer.

But I will remember.

So you see, any vulnerable child, will always grow up and be able to take care of himself.

Just last night, my husband was so affected thinking about those orphans who lost their parents in the flood.

He said, they will never be the same, they will be so sad, their lives are ruined.

I looked at him and asked,'do you think they will be sad forever?'

He said,'definitely'.

Well, I think their lives have changed, they have lost the only 2 people who will love them no matter what, they will feel the lack of love, will be sensitive, will have to grow up and learn to be independent but they will be fine in the end. InsyaAllah.

They will remember these days but time will heal them and keep them stronger.

When they become adults, they will be just like anyone else.

They are no longer that 'kesiannyaaa anak yatim'.

Time can heal.

That is life, hard and difficult, full of sadness but it will produce stronger people.

Everyone will survive but lets just pray that they will survive with better outcomes.

My husband at first thought it was weird that I don't cry, I seem very aloof about things, about people, I am hardened and just relentless about my pursuit of life.

But I could drop a tear when a mother starts telling me how her baby was abused in taska.

I guess I am not immune to kids.

If I could protect any child, I will start even with small effort each day.

So I finished my words to my husband by saying,'that is why you should take care of yourself, drive carefully because you have Isabella now. What will happen to her if her parents are no longer here? Of course she will have her grandparents and her aunts but nothing will ever be the same. I really really wish that my children don't have to be me. They don't need to be tough. No need to always look brave. They don't have to keep everything to themselves because they have a mother to confide'.

So when I said, Isabella is my life. I meant it. Everything I do is for her.

So that she will have a much happier childhood than the one her mother has.

InsyaAllah.

p/s: Alhamdulillah, Allah bestowed upon me such happiness that I have never encountered before through my child. Eventhough it was late but I appreciate every bit of it. I am forever grateful, Alhamdulillah.