Another postpartum bluessss!!

postpartum bluess!!

No matter how many times you have a baby, I guess you will still have this.

I dunno.

But I did.

The first 2 weeks were fine with me.

It was later that I started becoming stress, depress, and everything.

Maybe the fact that I am confined in a house and all I did was housewife thing and suddenly I feel useless.

Like I have lost my sense of identity.

Who am I now??

Not a working lady but a mother, a milky cow, a housewife.. omg.

I seriously cannot.

It must sound ridiculous to you.

Probably it is stupid hormone.

Get lost you hormones.

And it is the fact that I have 2 children now and I dunno how to squeeze time for them both.

I want to give each one enough time and love just like I did for Isabella.

But no, this time is different.

Here I am nursing Kamelia and Isabella came crying, demanding to sit on my lap.

She wanted my attention and Kamelia was crying for milk.

Then, I have 2 crying kids.

Next thing I knew, I felt like crying.

Why are they crying?? I should be crying.

The fact that I a, not used to having 2 children. I need time to adapt. I dunno how to adapt.

Now I have hubby to help me with everything.

Yes!! He has been great.

He wakes up earlier than I am to prepare my herbal bath.

He prepared my ginger drink everyday, mixed with tumeric and dates.

He prepared breakfast and lunch for all of us.

He did laundry, he showered Isabella.

He did everything.

And Kamelia was my responsibility. I bathed her, nurse her, comfort her and I felt like she took so kuch of my time.

She likes to sleep on my lap and once I put her down, Isabella loud singing immediately woke her up,

So there I was again, rocking Kamelia in my arms.

Man!! Next thing I knew, my back is all jammed up from sitting the whole day.

I really need to lie down.

When my husband goes out, he would send Isabella to his sister.

I would be alone with Kamelia.

She sleeps on my lap and I cannot leave her or she will start crying.

Such clingy baby this one.

All I could think was, what happen when I start work next month?

Who will take care of Kamelia?

What happen when hubby starts working again??

I can't be taking care of them both.

Having Isabella alone really strained me with my busy schedule.

Now, with a newborn.

I mean I should be positive.

But all these hormones are making me emotional.

I am happy to have them all.

But I just feel like I am not prepared, I am inadequate, not good enough to handle all of them.

I suck.

How do you guys be a mother of two??

Please share with me.

Imagine showering 2 children and dressing them up.

Wait a minute. I did that on my own. For 2 weeks I was in confinement alone taking care of them.

My God, that didn't feel like in confinement. It felt like a very tired housewife.

So I was telling my husband just now. Maybe that lady who jumped out of her condo, jumped not because of breastfeeding only, but because she couldn't get out. She was confined in the house by people.

Ya maybe resting in the house is good for your healing body, but not for your mind.

It drives me crazy.

So I think confinement sucks!!

Nobody should be kept in the house for that long!!

It is against humanity.

Boooo!!

I asked my husband today, after my gynae check up, if we can go to H&M.

He said not yet. I am 30 days already.

But he has a point.

Baby is still too little.

She might catch bugs.

I can't go without her.

She needs my milk.

Ok. I am tired of whining.

I am being honest here.

But let me tell you, my husband is really sweet.

Just don't tell him.

I can see how busy he is doing house chores every morning.

Then, he would go out to buy desserts for me.

Anything that I want.

When I am stress, I eat sweet things.

The other day he went out to but hot chocolate and cake from Starbuck. He came home to drop them, before going to a meeting.

But he is kind of irrational.

I said, I want to go to Starbuck. It was an excuse for me to go out.

But no. He had to go and but them ALONE.

Maybe he has another woman and he just didn't want me to find put. And that is why I am locked inside the house.

Yes!! I think that is why!!

Gosh! I sound like a crazy old lady.

Hahhhh! I better stop now. Hahahahahahahahaha.

Dr Mummy has gone mad. LOL.

Ok bye guys. Tq for reading my crazy rambling.