Working mom dealing with guilt

Reviewing my 2014 calendar, it is pretty pack till the end of the year.
I wonder if I am going to regret this.
I am a mother now.
Everything has changed.
I can't possibly be in a tight schedule as before.

To live an easy life money wise but busy or to live a less luxury life but not busy at all (office hours time).
That is the debate I am having on my mind now.

I always think, being young is the age for you to work and earn enough money, have some properties and save for retirement.

Thus come the investments and etc.
With the salary that you get and the rising up of living cost, can we save a lot at the end of the month?
I doubt it.
Which means we have to work double.
Isn't that the reason why people are startinh online business, Shaklee's or taking makeup job, weekend weeding photographer and etc?

I miss Isabella too much.
Currently I am seeing her either during the day or late at night.
Like these 2 days of weekend, I am seeing her during break time which is at 1-2 p.m. and 7-8 p.m.
I would drive to my mom's place, hold her and breastfeed her directly.
It is rushing but I still want her to feel that I didn't leave her for a whole day.
Seeing her face lighted up when she looked at me was so precious.

Hubby dropped by with her yesterday and I passed him the milk I EBM in clinic. She was sitting quietly in her car seat at the front seat studying her fingers and hands. These days she just love studying them. So adorable.
And I said 'hye baby'
She looked up and gave me a wide grin.
She was so happy to see mommy.
Seeing that, just touched my heart.
Your baby can love you unconditionally.
That is because they haven't seen the world yet.hehehehe.

And as I waved her goodbye, she just looked at me through the window.
Hubby said,'Say goodbye mommy Isabella'.

And I wanted to cry.
Owh my darling
Mommy is not that tough

We, my husband and I try to take turns. One of us has to be with her when the other is not around.
However, we can see that she is throwing tantrum whenever we leave her with someone else.
Even when I am not around, she has to stay with hubby, she started acting up.
Poor hubby..

When we were not around, we whatsapp each other, my husband and I discussing about Isabella's well being and our schedule. 
He assured me that as long as each one of us is around then she will be fine. We will give her our undivided attention and she will not miss much.

Nobody who makes a good earning live a chill life. Even the rich Ivanka Trump live a hectic life. Her schedule must be much much tighter despite her being an heir to a rich tycoon as she works with the Trump and she has her own fashion line to manage.
Her businesses are so massive that it takes an incredible woman to handle that.
I adore her and she is an inspiration to mel

You see everyone juggles a life.
So, if others can manage worse why can't we?
Telling myself that.

So it is a deal, whenever I am unavailable hubby will be showing Isabella the flashcard.
I haven't manage to read her night time story lately because she was asleep everytime I came home. I usually picked her up from my mom's place, changed her into pyjama and direct feed her.
That is the time when I play and cuddle her. Treasuring the feel of my baby in my arms.
Thinking, she is growing too fast.
I am missing her life!!!

We might not be able to take her around daily but we will make it a point to spend time with her atleast 2-3 times in a week.
There will be plans for short trips to the zoos and stuff when she is older.
It is all about organizing your schedule.
I told you I am an organizer freak.
Everything is in my ipad, my schedule, appointments and etc.
That is why sometimes, people pm me or whatsapp me asking about advices and suggestions for their baby or themselves and I didn't reply immediately. I'm sorry if I take too long as I need to squeeze a time for that too.

Us the working mothers have this guilt of being at work eventhough we are trying to do the best we can for our family.
We are doing everything.
Whenever we are not around, we miss our husband and child sorely.
When we come home, we have 2 persons go cuddle to and to repent the guilt.
Everyone is above us and time for ourselves will be the last thing on our minds.
We are superhumans.

Because, in this economy, everything is expensive.
Medical expenses, child care, educations, petrol, housing property, electric and bla bla bla.
We want to give the best quality life for our family and to provide a great education for our children's future.

There will be one day when I want to live a more leisure life but not today.
Today is the day when I have much ado..


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