A second chance of life

I grabbed her little fist in my palms.
I wished that I can flow my strength and spirit through her.
Tears kept on flowing my cheeks as I wiped them over and over again while I stood in front of the specialist.
Isabella couldn't stop crying in my arms.
I felt her pain from the fall.
If only I could take away her pain.
Ya Allah, selamatkan anak aku.
Ya Allah, ringankanlah kesakitan bayi ini.

That was the day when my tears were so cheap that they flowed in front of anyone to be seen.
Gone were the tough, independent girl.
The girl who pride herself for being optimistic, proud.
Replaced by a mother, fearing for her little baby's life.
All I could think of was, she was in pain.
How weak I felt at that moment.

'Mommy is sorry baby'.
I kept on saying as I hugged her closer to my chest.
The non stop tears were a proof of my heartache.

My pain was visible as bare as the blue cloudless sky for anyone to see.

I was so grateful to Allah when Isabella got better after her head fall.
No symptoms of head injury.
To me, if my baby had a complication, I would accept it as long as she stays with me.
I will deal with it, as long as she is alive.

Thanks to Allah, she is fine totally.
Her developments are just so great and in fact earlier than the normal range.

What I felt and saw during her fall was a miracle.
Do you believe in angel??
I do.
But I have felt the presence of angels couple of times.

The first time was when my car rolled upside down during an accident.
I was driving in therain going down a slope and my car skidded so badly that it rolled several time before settled in the drain headdown.

I screamed in terror at the driver seat as my body was jerked around, hitting the dashboard, the door as the mirror shattered but all the while I felt as if there was a cushion cushioning my impact.
No airbag as the car was a second hand car.

After a while, I could crawled out from the car, stucked, called my parents but it was 6 a.m. and nobody answered.
My husband then my boyfriend didn't answer too.
Until a few minutes later, the Plus guys came and had to roll the car (tyres upside) to the ordinary position.

Everyone commented on how my car was so in bad condition that even the tyres were out rolling on the road. All the mirrors shattered to pieces and I came out from the car, whole.

Without any injury.
I didn't share with anyone what I felt at that time.
The presence of angel.

With that impact, I could easily suffer abdominal injury.

The moment Isabella was about to hit the floor, her fall was so slow that it was ridiculous.
When she hit the floor, I was waiting to hear the sound of her head hitting the hard cold floor.
As she fell from almost 2 metres height.
All I hear was nothing, no thud.
Do you believe if I say she fell in slow motion as if there was a wing holding her down and when she reached the floor, she was reached by an angel's wing?
I felt it.
As fast as the angel was there and then vanished as my 2 months old baby hit the floor.
Then she started crying as I picked her up in my arms.

I didn't share this with anyone too.
She is one lucky baby. Touched by an angel.
Being a Muslim, I believe that we are always protected by angels.
Despite the high fall, the big bump on her temple, she was fine, nothing.

As if I was given a second chance.
A second chance of life.
As I hugged her in the car lastnight, I remembered my fear, my tears, my heartache.
Alhamdulillah Ya Allah for giving me her and giving me second chance.

From my mama's point of view was that Allah was testing me as I have just wore scarf at that time, to see if I lose my hope and shatter my faith but I didn't.
In your worse moment of life, when you feel so weak to knees, where do we turn to?

The best place is on your pray mat, on your knees, hands in the air asking from your Creator, confiding your biggest fear, pleading '

Ya Allah please don't take away my baby.
You just gave me her for a short time. And I still don't have enough time with her. Ya Allah I don't have much in life. I didn't get to know my mother. I grew up without a mother when everyone was always sharing stories about their mothers, I had none. No stories to share. I was lonely despite my brave face. My I-was-fine-I-don't-need-a-mother-face. You know how lonely and tough my life was. A life of a little girl who had to be independent at a tender age. Having this baby, I feel a motherly touch and it makes me think what my mother would feel and how I didn't feel a motherly love when I was young.I wanted to love Isabella for everything that I have not felt ever. I want her to feel the motherly love that my friends used to share in classes. I have never complained about my fate to You. But please, this time, please feel sorry for me. For the late night being alone in the house when daddy had work to do, all the time I was scared to get down from the sofa fearing for a frog monster under the sofa when daddy was home late at night.
Please let me love her. She is a breath of life to me. She is something I have never felt. I am very grateful to you. Please let her stay with me longer. I will miss her so much if you take her away now and I don't think I have enough strength to pull myself back together after this..'

At times, you are very helpless to control anything and you know Allah knows everything. Turn to Him and let Him handle them.

Have you ever felt like you were given a second chance?With your child?
Lets use it wisely.
A child a big responsibility, a gift not to be taken lightly.
Thank you Allah.
It is from the bottom of my heart to You.
Thank You For This Love...


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