Anxiety

If you ask me 6 months ago if I would consider being a stay at home mom, I would be chuckling while shaking my head.

'No, way. That is not me. I'll be bored out of my wit'.

Now as I lie next to Isabella, staring at her sweet face while I tease her, something cross my mind,'does she know that mommy won't be with her after this except at night or maybe that some nights her mommy won't be around?'

'Will she be happy?Will she be able to expend her mind without me?How will I encourage her the way I have always do whenever I was around?'

Now the thought of being a stay at home mom crosses my mind. Seems more enticing. Having you makes every sacrifice worth it sayang. I feel like giving everything that I am capable of for you.

I am quite anxious thinking of getting back to work especially that it will be the first time that she will be far from me.

I want to cry!!

I cannot believe I get emotional with the thought of being away from her for a few hours.

I really have changed!!

Previously when my friends said how much they missed their kids at work, I just couldn't get it. Why were they sad and considering early resignation when they could see their children after work?

How could they wish to quit being a doctor after putting so much efforts and energy for so many years?

What a big sacrifice.

Now I understand.

I am not saying that I will quit. hahaha. I wish I have the luxury to be with my baby and to teach her, guide her most of the time. Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury. I have to make amend and pray to Allah, that she will excel without me. That she will be fine, happy and safe. I still will double my effort within a shorter time that I am with her.

I will do my best for her. Owh I miss her already eventhough she is just next to me rolling herself to sleep, next to her daddy.

I can't imagine being in his shoes. Being away from his baby for quite sometime, it is depressing to him. He kept on saying how will he get through this. What if Isabella forgets him? That I have to show his photo everyday. What if he comes back and she doesn't recognize him anymore. How will she look when he comes back?

There are so many ifs. 

I know every mother feels this. Our babies are part of our own life. I will trade my life for her. Sigh.

How can we love someone so much and so selflessly.

Motherhood is just heaven.

That being said.

I think that everything will be fine.. It always does. InsyaAllah:)

Okay I am off to clinic with Isabella. Her daddy has a whole day of shoot until night.

Good morning everyone!!Have a great Friday:)

Looking forward to weekend.