Being a wife, mother and work are terrible combinations...
I could be the most positive person in the world and I could be the the least energetic robot.
That depends on my level of energy.
Sometimes I think I push myself too hard. It is like I demand so much from myself.
I can do it all until I can't anymore.
So today is the day that I have no more energy left.
Being a wife wasn't that hard. It was enjoyable. Being a mom is wonderful.
Working and earn money gives you satisfaction.
However, if you combine all in a go, it gets frustrating and exhausting after a long period of time.
At times I imagine myself being a housewife. Not in this life!! What if my husband earns like 5 digits a month?? More than 20k? Hmmm let me think first. The thing is I am just not the laid back kind. I'd rather work during the day and do locum at night every single day including on the weekends. Some people would asked,'aren't you tired??'
The hell I am not. I sleep awake. I feel like I am sleeping the whole time that I am awake and working, functioning. That is the miracle of a human body. You can still function even when your mind and body said,'enough!!'
I just thought that instead of doing nothing, I'd rather make more money.
Why couldn't I be like others. My friends would say it like this,' I'd rather sleep and rest than seeing anymore patients after a day at work or on my weekend'.
So today my schedule is clear during the day. I thought I have to start tidying my house as always and do laundry.You know, to do the house chores before I am start my evening locum. So I did laundry, Ii cleaned and mopped the house, hanged the clothes, bathed Isabella.
Hubby helped feed her while I hanged the laundry and he swept the floor while I cleaned the bathroom.
While I was making Isabella's chicken porridge and preparing to cook our lunch, she cried upstairs and wanting milk. So I rushed upstairs and told my husband if he could please go to the kitchen to cook rice.
Somehow he didn't hear me which I thought he didn't want to so I kept quiet and breastfeed Isabella.
By the time I finished, I went down to the kitchen to find her porridge got burnt. I was so upset that I rushed upstairs and cried.
I was already exhausted from the several weeks of overworked, being a mother and a wife. Coming home late at night to a messy house. Now today I wanted to settle everything by lunch time so that I can catch my long overdue rest before my shift starts.
Seeing the burnt porridge just made me sad. I cut the tiny pieces of chicken with a sleepy eyes hoping that my baby's food would be ready before I rest. We mothers always think about everyone we love before us. Now, I have to make her food all over again on top of our lunch. Now that burnt pot means extra scrubbing.
Anyway, I started pouring my heart out to my husband and he immediately went down to scrub the pot. But I hate myself for taking it out on him. It must be me. I am the problem here.
When I have a low battery kind of day, I look at beautiful nature, be it just a photo on the internet.
Wishing to escape here and live a simple life. Not much money but with a lot of time at hands. Ya right. Hahaha.
Pastel color for my tired soul. Hopefully they can soothe it. I am not angry with my husband, I am just tired. That is what woman tends to do when they are exhausted, they rant to anyone who is near enough to listen. Hahahaha. It is bad move. But it gives you relief.
However, man doesn't really understands. He will think that I am upset with him. So I have to tell him that when I am complaining and ranting in general, it is not about him, it is just me. So, you just listen without blaming yourself. I guess it is still confusing to him. He might blame himself for letting me get tired. Just quit the blaming game, and listen because that will make a wife feel better.