Writing is about sharing your deepest thought using pen and papers.
So here goes..
Several weeks ago, I had a mother and her young son visiting my clinic.
The mother was such a gentle person.
She was telling me,' Doctor, my son has a stomachache. Is there anything to relief the pain. I felt sorry for him'.
I turned to the young son.
His mother was doing the talking on his behalf.
He seemed adult enough to me.
Maybe I was wrong.
'How old are you?' I directed the question to him.
'I am 18 years old', he answered.
Wow 18. That is old enough to be smothered like this.
Well it could be that the mother is the super loving kind.
Then, his mother added, ' Doctor, is there anything wrong with him? Please give a strong medicine for him as I couldn't bare to see him in pain. I could only rub oil on his tummy'.
It was just a gastric pain.
I understand how painful gastric pain is.
It is nothing serious.
I have gastric all my life.
Nobody rubbed anything on my tummy.
I did everything myself.
I turned to the aunty, shocked,' Aunty, you rubbed his tummy with oil?? But he is old enough to do thay on his own'.
She smiled,'Ya la doctor. Aunty kesian kat dia(feel sorry for him)'.
I told the young man,' Your mother is a gem. She is so motherly. You are so lucky'.
The aunty added,' Ala doctor, semua mak macam tu. I am sure your mother did the same whenever you were sick'.
I felt touched.
'Hmm. My mother passed away when I was 3 aunty so I don't understand that much about motherly love. That is why I was surprised that you rub oil on your 18 years old son's tummy'.
I kept my tone cheerful with a smile. But my sentence wasn't that smooth.
It was awkward to answer.
She seemed to be affected.
'I'm sorry doctor. Kesiannya'.
As I turned to the young man, I said,' your mother is such a kind and caring person, you are so lucky. Take care of her please'.
I was touched when I said that because I meant it.
Mother issue was not something I ponder or discuss.
What is the point of discussing about something I am lacking and cannot be replaced?
But at that particular moment of weakness, I wonder if all mothers actually rub oil on their children's back or tummy whenever they get sick?
Obviously I didn't know it.
I felt sort of left out.
All those time whenever I was sick with diarrhea, tummy pain, gastric, fever, I treated myself eventhough I was in primary school.
If I felt feverish, I filled a pot with ice and wet cloth, placed on my forehead.
Went to sleep with a bottle of water next to me.
My father told me to do that so I did that everytime I fell sick.
I always had a tummy problem during my teenage life.
It was Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Which means, rumbling tummy, so much pain and diarrhea.
It was like that every month.
I used to sleep in the toilet with kain batik so that it would be easier for me.
Once I even passed out in the toilet due to severe dehydration.
Rubbing hot oil on my tummy is something I would do it myself.
Thinking of all those painful moment suffering alone when I could actually have a company to empathize with me.
All the other kids have someone but not me.
I guess that is why I don't ponder on problem other than solution.
How lucky you guys to experience a mother.
That is why my motherly instinct to my baby is so strong.
I don't want her to lack on love at all.
She should not feel what I have felt during my childhood.
Lately, my newsfeed on facebook was filled with the picture of Allahyarhamah Mastura's son.
The stewardess from MH17.
I saw a 10 year old boy sitting in front of his mother's coffin crying.
My heartbreaks for him.
He is so young and has loss such an important figure in his life.
Nobody can replace that.
Nothing can top that ever.
Not when you get straight A's in all exams or holding a degree to your dream career.
Everyone says a lot of thing but how many of them ever experience that feeling, what the boy will face in life?
He will be the next me.
Except that I am old enough now not to depend on mother or father.
I lost my mother when I was 3 years old.
She had a road accident in the UK while pursuing her master.
My dad and I just arrived in Malaysia because she has completed her studies and was packing to come back for good.
Her coffin has been flown by aeroplane and later helicopter to Alor Star, Kedah.
My father rode in the van carrying her body while I was with someone else in another van.
Not understanding anything.
Not a clue to what was going on.
But it stayed in my memories until these days.
We reached a mosque and cemetery.
They opened her cover.
I saw my mother.
I ran toward her shouting,'Mama! mama! mama!'
Somebody caught me.
'Adik nak p kat mama (I want to go to mama)! Adik nak mama!!'
She took me away from the crowd as I was crying. Thinking to comfort me.
I didn't get to touch my mother at all for the last time.
Little that I know, my life from then on has changed completely.
She never smiled again at me.
In just a flick of a moment, I lost someone who used to hug and kiss me.
I grew up being independant.
The word independant has a long meaning.
If I write a life essay, it will not be enough to cover the meaning if independant.
There were times when my classmate talked about what she discussed with her mother on the phone during my university days.
They talked for hours.
Their mothers cried when they didn't get to come home for Eid.
They cried because they can't see their mothers on eid.
I didn't understand that.
I didn't feel any sadness not being able to go home for Eid.
Because I think, wherever I am, it is just the same.
I didn't feel at home.
Home is where you belonged.
I felt just the same with anyone and anywhere.
Alone and on my own.
Now, I feel at home finally:)
Right after I got married I felt belonged.
Having Isabella just complete me.
I understand motherhood through how I feel right now and what I lacked of.
I learned motherhood through instinct and not through examples.
My story is for you to understand how lucky you are to have a mother or to experience a mother.
Not everyone is that lucky.
Nobody has everything.
Cherish your mother.
That is why when I see someone with a happy family, a loving mother and the son turns out a lazy loser, I felt angry. You don't know how lucky you are and yet you are ungrateful.
Kind of heavy chat on Sunday right? Hehehe.
Good day everyone:)
Here something to lighten the mood.