The story of a girl's crush

As I am writing this, Taylor Swift is filling the treatment room with 'Everything has changed'.
I love her songs since her debut.
It is the fact that she reminds me of a teenager's love, the attractions, crush and a girl's innocence when it comes to love.
What we have gone through and lost with age and wisdom.
I remember my first crush.
I was in Standard 6.
I just transferred from Auckland, New Zealand.
Started standard 6 in a new foreign primary school at my grandma's hometown.
I was alone as my parents stayed in Auckland while I have to sit for UPSR.
I was that new cute girl who just came back from New Zealand.
The village boys were running everywhere making a big fuss about 'the new girl'.
One boy even made a poem about me.
The title was 'New Zealand Dairy Board'.
And he read it so loud in front of the class.
A boy even dropped a love letter at my doorstep which I ended up punching him on his back.
I was kind of violent I guess.
Anyway that is not the point.
I remembered there was this boy.
He was always teasing me.
You know at that age how boys were.
Always smiling to me.
 Sweet and cute looking.
I had a crush on him the whole time the class was teasing us.
Every sport's day, I would wish to see him.
But we were young and never started anything.

In high school I had another crush on my classmate.
Cute and pretty boy.
That time my taste was 'prettyboy'.
Do you remember having a crush?
When he looked at you, suddenly your heart stopped.
Cold sweaty palms, cheeks blushed and tongue-tied.
Nothing ever comes out right from your mouth.
I would either smile or said stupid things and slapped myself over later.
Every single time, you wished to see him or get a glance of the boy of your heart.
One time I felt feverish in school because he didn't come to school.
I blamed it on eating too much durian the day before.
But somehow my 2 bestfriends smelled it and said,'Do you have to get sick just because he wasn't around'.
Which I denied religiously.
'No guys it was the durian. Seriously. I swear'.
 Crap! They somehow knew it.
I did a lot of thing but everything that I did evolved around him or the fact that I could see him, or to get close to him.
Anxious, palpitation oh I was going to faint whenever he smiled at me.
Why too cute?
Beautiful feelings it was, a teenage crush.
Everytime I closed my eyes, I saw him.
I was so into him until one day I got rid of him out of my system.
I didn't know why I felt that way but I broke his heart and according to him that I was his first love.

I realized then on that looks just don't matter but compatibility.
My first mistake was choosing a cute guy whom I knew nothing about.
Once I knew him after 4 months, I knew we were incompatible.
I learned about myself and my heart.
The guy whom I wouldn't get bored will be the man for me.
I was easily unimpressed, easily bored and I didn't know why.
So I made a theory that the  next guy who come along and be able to sustain my interest, will be the guy for me.
If I lose interest that easily, it must have not been love but a crush or a fling that will just pass by.
From then on I waited for the right guy to come along.
I was never looking but just living my life, observing everything around me.
I knew he would come along.

Because you are older, you become more mature.
You learn about life and reality.
How to protect your heart.
This time I was calm and in control because I knew the game and steps by heart.
I stopped second guessed every movement the guy would make.
I knew what the guy was feelings.
I knew when someone likes me.
And that even bored me so much that I just lost interest in the whole love thingy.
Then, my true love came along.
He was so frustratingly annoying because he didn't know the love game.
He just did whatever he wanted.
Totally out of order.
He was inexperienced, a fool out of love.
He just didn't know how to be in love.
Seriously annoying.
I had to teach him from A.

He  was confused and because of that he confused me even more, intrigued and angered me.
And I married him after a year of knowing him.

Eventhough you found your true love, it was never as silly as that teenage crush.
Because I was never a silly girl again.
 Lost was the wide-innocent-eyes replaced by years of experiences of life.
And I still remember that silliness only a young inexperienced girl would make.
It was a treasure.
I believe that every young girl should feel that, the silly crush.
Being young and silly is a privilege because as an adult you cannot afford to be silly anymore.
So yea Taylor reminds me of the little girl I was.
Take me back to the years which have passed.
The memory of a little girl.


  1. I had a lot of crushes during my adolescent years. It usually changes annually at the start of the year.ha ha
    Love your blog dr mummy. I am a medical student too in Tanta university. That is in Egypt. I am going to enter my third year

    1. Hye Natasha. Hehehe I guess you enjoyed the crushes more than I did. BUt it will be part of memories that we kept when you reach my age. Thinking back about the liberty to be silly again. Enjoy your youth dear. And good luck with med school and come back make us proud:)


Post a Comment

Popular Posts