What young girls should understand about marriage before they turn giddy and blush at the word..
If you guys have noticed that I like to talk about women things and especially our roles as mothers and wives.
That is because my blog is about things that are related to me.
Young girls turn giddy with the talk of marriage.
Blushes at the mention of being tied to a man for her entire life.
Little that they know how much their lives would have changed.
So, here is a storm course for young girls out there..
1) When you are married, that means your priority changes.
You are no longer your top priority but your husband, in laws, your parents are still at the top and maybe children when you have them.
2)You have new families and relatives to get to know at once.
It takes an entire life to know your own families (big one), cousins, aunties and uncles and great cousins etc.
However, once you are married, you have to know everyone and make top efforts to know them at once.
It can be overwhelming. But that is your responsibility.
To make your new family happy.
After 2 years plus of marriage, I have known of course all my husband's aunties and uncles from his parents side, know the names of his so many cousins (adults only) and now entering a phase of learning the young cousins' name.
I would walk pass them as they were playing in front of my in law's place and suddenly stopped, and twirled in a hurry, said loudly 'Amri!'
He turned startled looking at me.
I smiled and walked away pleased that I got it right.
3)Learn to be patient.
Patient with everyone especially your husband.
How to do that?
Let me teach you.
Let say you came home from work and maybe your husband messed up the kitchen or place his shoes right in front of the door that you might accidentally stepped on it and risk a sprain ankle, you just mumble to yourself.
Just nag to yourself downstairs while you wash the dishes.
By the time you are done, you will think 'Nahh, that story was old already. Lets talk about something else'.
The point is, something are not worth mentioning especially when you know at times your husband might slip back to his lazy ways.
Boys will be boys.
And talking about it might spoil everyone's mood unless it was a big mistake like not switching off the kettle, not locking the door or car or stuff like that.
Still, tell him but not nag.
Support each other emotionally and physically.
Listen to each other's thoughts, worries and problems.
You don't have to always pass judgements or offer solutions because most of the time, your partner just wants to be heard.
Learn to share.
There is no such thing 'my money is mine' in a marriage.
Help whenever you can.
Help your partner financially.
Share everyone's burden with the house chores and kids.
If your wife can share your financial burden, why can't you share her housechores part.
Share troubles, feelings and stories.
You have to be the man and to stand strong.
Each marriage and each life will be tested.
Take one step at a time and work through it.
One day, you will realize that you have walked out of the storm.
And by then you are have silver strands already.
That is what I see in old couples.
When the chatted in clinic with me and the way they care about each other, you know that they have walked through storms together multiple times and came out as winners.
Don't suddenly run away to your parents just because there was a mishap in your marriage.
Keep secrets about your marriage and husband from your family, relatives and friends.
No one but only you should know your problems.
Now that you are married, you should realize that everything you do or said can reflect to your partner and that you shouldn't do.
Not even to your mother.
Because you don't want your mother to think less of your partner and suddenly your partner fall on the bottom list of being the favourite son in law or daughter in law.
8)Accept mistakes, so forgive and forget.
As humans, we are so easily influenced by anger which can drive us to doing or saying irrational things.
So check yourself before you start lashing out on your anger and think 'maybe I should forgive'.
Forgive each one's mistakes.
It is not worth it.
9)Communicate each problem and dissatisfaction.
Let your partner knows how you feel.
Discuss not shout.
Sometimes when I am so overwhelmed with anger I tend to speak very loud.
Before my husband thinks that I am shouting at him, I would warn in advance ' I am not shouting at you but I am very emotional so my tone is high-pitched'.
That was because I wasn't shouting at him but angry at something while I was relating a story about my anger and frustration at him.
Had to warn him in advance.
As soon as he knew that the high tone was not for him, he was soothed and lied back on the bed to listen.
10)Sacrifice is your new friend now.
There is no place for selfishness in a marriage.
It is all about being thoughtful, understanding with lots and lots of sacrifice.
Everyone can fall in love and get married but only the wise one comes out a winner.
So yea, wisdom, lots and lots of wisdom will guide your way.
Where do you get that much wisdom?
Owh there are so many ways.
Reading, from other people's experiences, your own experiences, words of the wise old couples, read books, listen to family specialist talk on one of those tv talk show or like me I ask during my prayer.
Frankly speaking, marriage is not for those who still jump and twirl in their skirts but for the wise women.
It is a journey to learn and I have so much more to learn.
But boy I can't imagine my life otherwise.
That is the price of happiness.
Now, after knowing all this.. when do you think we should let go of our daughters???