This is how a mother would feel..

Just to share a short story from my day.

I was working today since morning.
Since I am having a class in KL tomorrow, I thought of having Isabella with me in the clinic so that she doesn't miss me that much.
The whole week has been quite difficult for her.
I know she misses her daddy.
My husband is on a tight schedule and he doesn't come home everyday.
I on the other hand, is working long hours until night.
Last night she threw tantrum and she doesn't do that.
I came home at 10.30 p.m. and pick her from her babysitter's place.
At home, Isabella was just shouting and screaming at me.
Her body shivered from anger and frustration.
I did everything to calm her but she was in a bad mood.
She was really angry.
She wasn't crying though. Just screaming her lungs out.
A vision of myself when I am pushed beyond boundaries.
It was 12 midnight and I was so exhausted from the long day at work and here my baby was unconsolable.
Then, my husband entered the room.
Isabella looked up and smile, said 'hye' sweetly to her daddy.
The screaming stopped.

I always knew this.
She missed her daddy.
That night, I slept earlier than my both of them as my husband tended to her wishes.

As a mother, no matter how busy we are, we will sacrifice something to be with our child.
That is called juggling between career and family.
Like coming home and immediately teasing, tickling, playing with your child.
Whole attention to her.
Isabella will be kissing me, hugging or sleeping on top of me.
I really felt sorry for her.
I wished I can be with her all the time.

So today we had fun looking at the butterflies flying on the grass.
I took her to see fountains and we ate popcorn under the trees.
During my breaktime, I made the best of time to spend with her.
Took her to the toy section in Parkson and she was excited, chatty while she touched all the toys.
She however would put them back properly.
What a well behaved girl.

By 5 p.m. she was so sleepy and clingy.
I had to carry her all around and yet she refused to doze off.
It was difficult for me as she demanded my attention and I had patients to be seen.
I finally called my father to get her.
Once she entered the car, she knew it already.
She cried so loud.
My dad said that she might quiet down soon so I left her for a while in the car, to get her things.
When I came back, she was ceying even louder with her mouth at the car window.
She really didn't want to be away from me.

My dad pressed down the window slightly so that I can talk to him.
That girl suddenly became so aggressive like a prisoner determined to escape.
She stepped on the hand's support at the door and started climbing the door, stucked her head inside the small opening at the window.
It didn't fit her but she tried and I was so alarmed.
She would hurt herself.
My father told me just to walk away.
But looking at her, I knew it would really break her heart if I leave her.
So, I couldn't.
It was such a touching moment for me.

A child thinks differently from an adult.
A child doesn't have the logic thinking and to be left when she really tried to reach for me is a slap on the face, perhaps it gave an impression that 'mommy abandoned me or mommy doesn't love me',

As soon as she got into my arms, she placed her cheek on my shoulder, hugged me tight and stopped crying.

During the Maghrib break, I went home with her and she fell asleep almost immediately in the car.
She must be tired trying to resist her evening nap these long.
She didn't even wake up when I placed her on the bed.
After solat, I went back to work.
I left her in the room sleeping and told my mom.

After 2 hours and a half, I came home. My mom told me that she didn't cry and probably was still sleeping.
As I opened the door, there she was in the dimmed- lighted room lying down next to her favourite book laid opened.
Apparently she was awake but just being quiet all alone.
Somehow, she has reached for her book to accompany her in the dark.
The look on her face when she saw me was so precious.
Her little face lighted with the most sincere smile, such pure joy.

It made me wonder, why didn't she call out or knock the door as always.
What was she thinking?
She usually would cry if she found herself alone in a room.

Maybe she knew, I went back to work and she waited for me to come back.
The mystery of a child's mind.


  1. yes.. being mommy is always been though... juggling career is difficult.. but.. we need to try our best to be there for our kids no matter what.. my biggest challenge would be patience..

    1. Yes patience!! I didn't know that I have plenty of patience until my kid came along. hahahaha. Even when I was so frustrated and she smiled at me, I smiled back when all I wanted to do was gigit dia geram hahaha


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