I haven't been in the mood to blog lately because I am so bumped.
I am so bumped out that my transfering process has been so screwed.
Which means, I will have to go back to Terengganu with my baby.
I wonder how will I manage that.
As optimistic as I am, I still don't have a clue how to be a mother and a doctor without anyone's help, no husband , no relatives, nobody.
Hubby will be in Bosnia by then.
It was difficult enough staying in Terengganu alone while being pregnant.
I have travelled weekly back to Putrajaya driving alone and at times with my husband.
It was hard enough.
Now with a baby, I am expecting it to be twice as challenging.
I might need to buy an air cooler as my girl can't abide hot dry Dungun's air.

Where will I stay?
Who will take care of her?
Gosh! I wish I can be more enthusiastic. Everything happens for a reason right?
It is not being a mom to a baby in a place so far away, alone.
Despite my personal letter to Pengarah in Kuala Terengganu telling my hardship, he has not approved my transfer.
Ya big surprise.
Eventhough I've applied since 18 december 2013.
Whatever, malas nk layan perasaan marah.

I am telling you that I feel so sad inside.
I always tell my husband that I am a fighter.
But these few days, I feel like this fighter might just breakdown and cry.
What happens to a fighter who just stop fighting???

So I looked down at my dear baby's face.
Mommy has to be strong for the both of us.
I held her little body close.
I have to get through this for her.

It will just be a little speck of dust in my life.
Life is bigger than this.
InsyaAllah there is a way.

Remember, at times of hardship, when you don't know how to handle life, pray that Allah will teach you, show you the way.


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